If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
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this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
why is half of my head shaved?
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
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