my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
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