So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
