The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
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All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize