So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
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