she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize
