i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
you traded sex for a burrito?
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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