how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
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