At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
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