Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Randomize
