someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Randomize
