i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
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