I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
