Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Randomize
