I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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