What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
Randomize
