this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Randomize
