I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
Randomize
