there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
Randomize
