Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
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