Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
Less talking, more tequila
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Randomize
