Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
Actions speak louder than pants.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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