Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
My penis needs a shock collar
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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