Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
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