Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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