When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
Randomize
