Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
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