so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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