your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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