i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
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