It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
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