Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
