you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
apparently the secret to your success is patron
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
