I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
