It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
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