the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
