I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
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