Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
