What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
