went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
Randomize
