I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
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