Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
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