you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
Randomize
