oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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