i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
