I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
Randomize
