We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
