Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
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