He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
