I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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