I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize