Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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