I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
I'm at about main and main street
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
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