Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
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