Christians are straight up FREAKS
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
It's never too late to be topless.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
