alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
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If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
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I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
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