his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
