its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Randomize
