I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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