did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
PANTIES FOUND
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
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