HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Randomize
