i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
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