I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Randomize
