How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Randomize
