dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
