Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
