"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
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