her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
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