i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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