i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
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