I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
Small penises have feelings too.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
Randomize
