I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
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ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
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I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
What changed your mind?
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on