Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(941): View more from Florida

I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"

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(314): View more from Missouri

I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.

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(607): View more from New York

You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me

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(360): View more from Washington

Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day

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27 Socially Expected Things That Are The Absolute Worst
Read it at the TFLN blog
(617): View more from Massachusetts

ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...

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(512): View more from Texas

At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..

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(505): View more from New Mexico

I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.

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(845): View more from New York

I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.

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(712): View more from Iowa

I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on

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