ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
29 Frat Parties That Got Way Too Out Of Control
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
15 Ridiculous Ways Broke People Managed to Make a Buck
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.