Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.