shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
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Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
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let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.