i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
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I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
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I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires