It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
she smelled like a LAN party
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
Randomize
