He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
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Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
These 23 People Share the Worst Advice They’ve Been Given
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?