i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
