Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
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