Cold hands, warm shart.
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
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