I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
