Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
I smell stomach acid.
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
